A practical guide to dealing with me.

There seems to be a misunderstanding regarding my communication skills. Since I have many means of communications (I have 7 email accounts, 1 land line, 4 cell phones, a pager and, when Tricom feels like it, am online 24/7 via msn messenger, yahoo messenger, ichat, AOL IM and ICQ), people actually seem to think I am the social type. They don’t realize I don’t and have those things simply because I am a geek. I have no communications skills whatsoever. NONE.
I actually don’t like talking on the phone much, which has brought me many problems in the past. Most of my boyfriends or the men I’ve dated complain that I almost never call and so do my tri-dimensional friends. This is true, I try not to call to much. It’s not that I don’t care about them, it’s just that I find it’s a drag calling someone several times a day for absolutely nothing and I have heard people saying “man, this person calls A LOT” and I don’t want to be THAT person. Come on, really, if I have nothing new to tell you, why do I have to call you 25 times a day? And, if by some weird occurrence of nature I actually do call, whoever I call must understand that I don’t have a way with spoken words so I might not talk much, but it doesn’t mean I’m not into the conversation.
Believe it or not, this has caused relationships to end, drifts to be formed and friendships to be lost, which is why I’ve deviced a scheme to make people understand a little bit about my weird communication abilities or lack thereof:
On the phone:
* Don’t expect me to call. DON’T.
* Don’t get pissed if I don’t call. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss you or that I don’t care about you. I just don’t call.
* If I do call, don’t expect it to last more than 10 minutes tops.
* I will call if I have something to tell you. I will tell you the reason I called, go through the usual “how’ve you been”, “what’s up with you”, “how’s your health”, how’s the family” “how’s your love life”, “did you go to X party”…. Yada yada yada… and then I’ll say “well, talk later then”…
* If you call me, please don’t go “y qué” “qué hay” “cuéntame algo nuevo”. DON’T say “y qué má” several repeated times unless you want to hear me saying “quemá es un cosa prieta que hiede má quer diablo”. It annoys me to death (and this is one of my ex’s favorite phrases).
* DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE repeat “y qué má” over and over again. It bugs the hell out of me. There, I said it twice. You can’t say I didn’t warn you.
* I will call every once in a while (but don’t get used to it).
* Once in a blue moon I will be in the mood of talking and maybe of holding long conversations over nothing. I might even be able to talk all night long about the same bs over and over. But don’t get used to it.
* If I said I’d call, I will. I keep my word.
* Don’t say you did call when you didn’t. All my phones have caller ID. In the unusual event that I was unable to take the call, LEAVE A MESSAGE. I hate it when people say “I called” when I know they didn’t. I understand if you don’t like talking to machines, neither do I, but if you don’t leave a message maybe I won’t call back (I usually check my caller ID and return all the calls I didn’t get).
* I hate unavailable IDs. I HATE THEM. Unless you’re the friggin’ President or some criminal that needs to hide from the police, there’s no need to hide your phone number (I understand if it’s a long distance call though). I don’t pick up calls from “ID unavailable” or “ID private” phones. If there’s no way of changing that in your phone, call and leave a message and I’ll return the call immediately (unless I’m sleeping or in a meeting). (One of the reasons is that my ex has a “ID private” phone and he just doesn’t get that I don’t want to talk to him no matter how many times I’ve told him, hence why I don’t pick up).
* If you have unsolicited love for me and feel the sudden urge to call me between 12:00 am and 6:00 am Sunday thru Thursday, it is probable I won’t pick up. If you leave a drunken message I will definitely not return the call and probable get pissed at you. If your love is solicited, please understand I go to bed early on working days (I need my energy to make some money and no drunken shit is worth me losing sleep hours).
* If you have an accident or are in sudden need to call me for something you consider important, please do. I’m your friend, I will try to always be there for you… do not regard any of the aforementioned rules. No matter the time or the place, I will be there for you. If I don’t pick up, call again, call all my numbers, that way I’ll know it’s something important and do leave a message.

On messenger:
I feel compelled to explain this one more time, so here I go.
* If my nick says “away”, I am. Trust me on that. As my auto-reply at home says “I ain’t here, that’s what “away” means”. I might not be at home, I might be at home but not in front of the computer but still away. (Ana please do not take this in consideration, you have the strange skill to know when I’m at my room but not in front of the computer, so you can send a message whenever you want. Fernando, before talking to me verify my message and don’t get pissed when I don’t reply because IM NOT THERE. If you’re neither Ana or Fernando, please disregard the last 2 comments).
* I have a hard time recognizing when an online conversation has ended, so please don’t be offended if I don’t speak to your for a while, it might be because I though we were done talking.

While driving in my car.
*I tend to keep my eyes on the road and to sing while driving (with very loud music, harmful to my ears). If you see me and wave at me, don’t think I was being a snob and didn’t answer back. I just didn’t see or hear you.
* I like to drive. If you want me to go away on a weekend with you and a group of friends, please be advised I will always drive myself there. If we are going out, I like to drive myself as well (who knows when I’ want to leave? I don’t like bugging people). I don’t mind picking you up, as I said before, I really like to drive.

While somewhere.
* I am very shy. If you see me someplace and I don’t say hi, maybe I’m shy to approach you. Or maybe I haven’t seen you. I’m no snob, so please do approach me.
* I am usually good with faces and names, but since I am fallible, I might forget your name or don’t recognize your face, but please do approach me. I am a very open person.
* I love partying, but sometimes I like to chill. If we are someplace and you see me in a very chilly mood, don’t despair. I have different ways of amusing myself and if I am still at the place it means I am having a good time, so don’t worry. Be assured that as soon as I wanna leave, I most certainly will.

I guess this pretty much covers it. If any questions should arise, please contact the owner…